Today was actually the first Sunday in which I attended Church with my Wife, fully awake and invigorated. Typically, I would have arrived home from work around 7 – 7:15 in the morning. Depending on whether or not I had slept all day Saturday, or if I was up around the typical time of 7 -9 am, depended on my ability to stay awake for sacrament meeting. Normally, I would end up crashing, missing church because I had just worked 10 hours, and had subjected myself to no sleep for almost 24 hours. It was also the first Sunday of the month, which means that it was fast and testimony meeting.
While fast and testimony meeting is set aside for members of the congregation to stand up and give their testimony to the reality of how the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ is working in their lives, how someone within the ward, stake, or some form of event seemed to be an answer to their prayers; the first Sunday of the month is also a time where families are to fast for a minimum of 24 hours. Giving up at least two prepared meals and putting in the cost for those two meals in what is referred to as “Fast Offerings”. These fast offerings go to help out those families within the local ward that may be struggling to provide a simple meal for themselves and family.
Without thinking about today being a Fast and Testimony meeting, I had gathered up my scriptures, my wife’s scriptures, and the June 2009 issue of the Ensign. When we had arrived to church and took up our seats, the realization that it was Fast Sunday did not bother me. While I had lost track of what time of the month it was, I quickly pulled out the Ensign and began reading the first presidency message (well, actually picked up where I left off since I had started reading the First Presidency Message before leaving home). The First Presidency Message for June was given by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the First Presidency. This message, entitled Prayer and the Blue Horizon convicted me and provided a sense of comfort and reassurance.
The Conviction
Even when I was a youth, I never really had (much like alot of things in my own life) a stable prayer life. I was the typical individual that prayed when I necessarily felt like praying, or that because of circumstances in my own life had brought me to my knees in prayer of being rescued. Never once had I developed an open line of communication. Yet, as I started reading this message, the perception that President Uchtdorf offered convicted me of the lack of prayer life I have had up to this day.
Here is what President Uchtdorf had to say:
“One of the things I loved most about flying was departing from a dark and rainy airport, climbing through thick and threatening winter clouds, and then suddenly breaking through the dark mist and steeply gaining altitude into the bright sunshine and endless blue sky.
I often marveled at how this physical act parallels our personal lives. How often do we find ourselves surrounded by threatening clouds and stormy weather, wondering if the darkness will ever pass? If there were only a way for us to lift ourselves up from the turmoil of life and break through to a place of peace and calm.”
In reflecting upon my own life, I ask myself, how often have I found myself surrounded by threatening clouds and stormy weather, wondering if the darkness will ever pass?
Even more so, today, I find myself unemployed and frustrated. Unemployed because my contract with my previous employment ended abruptly with only a statement that my contract assignment has completed. One of the reasons why I dislike working through a temp agency, however, it was the only employment I had found after being unemployed for three months. This job loss affects not only myself, but my wife who works fulltime, is in her 16th week of pregnancy, burdened with how we are able to make the bills we have, and me either sacrificing a day at day labor to go on job interviews or sacrificing a day not looking for work to go to a day labor hall to hopefully get sent out for that day and make whatever pay I could make.
Granted, having lost my employment is not one of the most darkest moments in my life I had to face, it is still dark, dreary, unclear and a sense of failure seems to have taken root inside my heart and soul. Yet, there came assurance after I continued reading the article.
Yes, the conviction is still there. Throughout the entire sacrament meeting, sunday school lessons, opening exercises for priesthood and in the Elders Quroum class, the pressing thought of how I need to start praying more often, every day, in every way, and in any form of means possible.
What this means is that I have one of two options. I could either ignore the promptings of the Holy Ghost and continue as I have in my life without seriously devoting my life to prayer. Sacrificing the time to establish a consistent and healthy habit of praying in the morning, as well as in the evening before I retire for bed. Or, I could embrace the promptings, kneel in private prayer, seek the forgiveness of my Father in Heaven for the lack of communication on my part, for not seeking after Him and his guidance and council in my life. And, make a diligent effort through committing myself to praying and seeking after Heavenly Father and His will in my life every day.
A Comforting Assurance
President Uchtdorf continues with how the Latter-day Saint Christian has a great assurance in knowing how important one’s prayer life is in relationship to their loving Heavenly Father. He states: Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints know that such a thing is possible; there is a way to rise above the turbulance of everyday life. The knowledge, understanding, and guidance we receive from the word of God and from prophetic guidance in our day show us how to do exactly that.
I love how he eloquently, and simply, state that the doctrine of prayer is not something that is a doctrine of the past, but an active force in the sincere life of any believer and follower. Thinking upon this, I don’t recall any example of how Heavenly Father has not communicated to man except it were through the power of prayer. Even Jesus Christ himself prayed consistently, showing us, teaching us by word and deed the purpose, reason, and how one ought to pray.
Prayer can involve a simple quest for knowledge. The Prophet Joseph Smith is a prime example of seeking after an answer of truth and knowledge. His quest was to know which of all the denominations hold the truth of God and scripture. If he (Joseph Smith) had not gone out and prayed, but continued to debate within himself as to which denomination held the truth, I don’t think he would have been chosen as the Prophet who had ushered in the dispensation of the fulness of times, translate the Book of Mormon as Another Testament of Jesus Christ.
Nephi is another great example of someone who sought to know the “mysteries of God”. We find this in 1 Nephi 2:16; And it came to pass that I Nephi, being exceedingly young, … , and also having great desires to know of the mysteries of God, wherefore, I did cry unto the Lord; and behold he did visit me, and did soften my heart that I did believe all the words which had been spoken by my fahter; wherefore, I did not rebel against him like unto my brothers.
Yet, prayer is not just seeking after truth and knowledge, but prayer is an act of intimate desires, guidance, relationships, thankfulness, seeking forgiveness for the sins we have comitted against ourselves and others.
As I ponder this, the more I reflect on how I communicate with my wife. Typically, I am home before she is. As I have dinner going and we settle down, I ask her how was work, how was her day. I do this not to pry, but to open up communicate with her. Take interest in how things are going in her life. I want her to know that if she had a frustrating day that she can freely talk with me about it. Sometimes, this does not have to happen when she comes home from work. Every day, we make every available effort to talk on the phone. Again, I ask how things are going at work, if she needs anything, or just allow her to talk with me about something that may be bothering her, or something she is asking me to do. The more I contemplate this, the more I realize that just as much as I want to take interest, show interest in my wifes work, to talk with her about things that maybe bothering her, or just to shoot the breeze is just an example of how much more our Heavenly Father awaits to hear from me. He is interested in how I am doing, able to listen to any concerns that I might have, frustrations I may experience, hardships I may be facing, seeking guidance from him in times of difficulty.
What a blessed assurance we have where we know that there is always someone there to listen to us, to hear us out, to be there for us when we feel that there is no one else to listen to our concerns, complaints, and even successes and thankfulness.
Regarding this blessing, President Uchtdorf continues: One of the greatest blessings and privileges and opportunities we have as children of our Heavenly Father is that we can communicate with Him. We can speak to Him of our life experiences, trials, and blessings. We can listen for and receive celestial guidance from the Holy Spirit. We can offer our petitions to heaven and receive an assurance that our prayers have been heard and that He will answer them as a loving and wise Father.
He continues with a simple declaration as to what a simple and sincere prayer is and is not:
Prayers that ascend beyond the ceiling are those that are heartfelt and avoid trite repetitions or words spoken with little thought. Our prayers should spring from our deepest yearning to be one with our Father in Heaven.
Prayer, if given in faith, is acceptable to God at all times. If you ever feel you cannot pray, that is the time you definitely need to pray, exercising faith.
I love that last part. The reality of this latter council is nothing new. In fact, President Uchtdorf refers to 2 Nephi 32:8 where Nephi shares this: And now, my beloved brethren, I perceive that ye ponder still in your hearts; and it grieveth me that I must speak concerning this thing. For if ye would hearken unot the Spirit which teacheth a man to pray ye would know that ye must pray; for the evil spirit teacheth not a man to pray, but teacheth him that he must not pray.
Praying when you don’t feel like praying
How many times had I given into the spirit that instructed me not to pray? A very heavy question that one has to answer honestly and privately. There were numerous times when I had a desire to pray, yet had succumbed to reasonings as to why I should not pray.
What is more surprising is that when one does not enter their personal prayer closet and communicate with their Loving Heavenly Father, it opens the door of opportunity for disbelief, apostasy, doubt and questioning one’s own purpose and reason. For some, especially during times of struggle and despair, the frustration in not receiving an answer to our prayer, or receive an instant response, or way out of the pressing situation we are faced with leaves us question whether or not there is a God. Not just questioning whether or not there is a God, but a loving Heavenly Father who is interested in our lives and wants to hear from us.
Regarding this, I remember reading someone elses blog on why they had finally decided to walk away from their Christian faith. This individual began questioning their belief in God, the word of God. As I read this blog article, I reflected upon my own journey back to the LDS Faith. My own apostasy, the attacks I had made against the doctrines of the LDS Faith. Yet, as circumstances continued to shake and shift me in my life, I remembered that there came a point where I turned back to the Book of Mormon. Where, I read, not just out of obligation, but read it out of hungering for something more that I could not understand.
After three days of reading the Book of Mormon, seriously reflecting on the many passages that seemed to jump out to call me unto repentance and seek forgiveness, I knelt in serious prayer. What happened that night in my furnished room of an apartment, I personally can in no way deny. I receivd an answer to my prayer as to the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon, the truthfulness of the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ.
Unfortunately, I fell back into the same trap and cycle of living that I had done so for so many years. That one night of personal divine revelation was just that, a one time thing where I reached out to my Father in Heaven. After that event, I did not seek my Heavenly Father in the morning, nor in the evening. I did what I could to attend church, but when things started to slip through my fingers, I turned to the world for answers, my own self reliance and understanding. I did not turn to my Heavenly Father for any self-reliance on Him.
President Uchtdorf quotes from President Harold B. Lee “The sincere prayer of the righteous heart opens to any individual the door to divine wisdom and strength in that for which he righteously seeks.” (Stand Ye in Holy Places, 1974; 318).
For me, this means that we don’t merely pray out of sheer obligation, pray out of desperation (unless it is in earnest and within reason, and we have established a habitual ritual of communicating with our Heavenly Father), or pray with the attitude of Quid Pro Quo. It means that we humble ourselves, take a moment to clear our thoughts of all the unnecessary noise and think about what it is we are coming before our Heavenly Father with, able to listen attentively for the guideance that will come through the Holy Spirit.
Concluding thoughts
As I thought about this, contemplated on the important need for prayer, I have decided to challenge myself to pray. Even though I may not feel like, am tired, or there are other potential distractions that would keep me from entering into my own prayer closet, the importance is to cultivate a real relationship with my Heavenly Father and to seek after His guidance and council. While it may be awkward and foreign, it is a worthy sacrifice to overcome my own fears and stubbornness when it comes to pray.
