November is here and NANOWRIMO is underway. Although I am not participating this year does not mean that I am not working on any type of writing projects. Despite this, Thanksgiving is coming up in a couple of weeks. Therefore, as we are getting ready for the Holiday season, I would like to take a moment to open this up for discussion for the readers to comment.
What are you thankful for? Not just “I am thankful for my family”. Why are you thankful for your family? Career? Life pursuits?
Reflecting upon this, the one thing I can honestly say is that I am very thankful for the opportunity to experience the blessings of Fatherhood. An opportunity that had previously been denied by certain individuals who have felt that they had the right to separate my children from me.
Yes, it is a very painful subject matter to discuss. Many do not understand where one comes from regarding this. Most would put the blame on me to say that I had not done everything to sacrifice and fight for my right to have a healthy relationship with my children. Despite the many times the story has been told, most have become disinterested and view me as a “bad father” or a “dead beat dad”.
Briefly, here is the situation (and the reason why this post and why I am writing about how it is that I am thankful to experience this wonderful blessing) regarding my relationship with my three children.
My oldest son (from a previous marriage where my ex-wife had left me) resides with his maternal grandparents. At least, once a week, I contact to speak with him. Every time, I leave a message and no return phone call. The last time I had actually seen my son, was when my wife and I had gone down to Olympia, Washington to visit my parents and have some pictures taken of us. The last time I spoke with him was on his birthday this past year. Since then, every available attempt to contact and speak with him, to see how school is going, to find out how he is doing is unresponsive.
However, the last time I had seen my daughter was when she was about three years of age. And, my youngest son, when he was about a year old. Both of them reside with my ex-girlfriends mother who had taken it upon herself to ensure that there is no contact between myself and the children. The last time I had seen their grandmother was when I worked at King Solomon’s reef, and she came in for breakfast while I was working. She interrogated me by saying that I needed to see the kids, be a part of their life, and be a father to them. She gave me her number and when I had come off my shift, I contacted her to set up a time to see the kids. No answer and the number had been changed since.
Every year, depression would set in because holidays are supposed to be a time spent with friends and family. For me, such days were nothing but ordinary days spent brooding over what could have been, how much of a failure I had become. There never was a thought that things would change, life would turn around, and holidays would become more meaningful.
Now, those days are water beneath the bridge. Yes, it still pains me, yes, I still wonder how my children are doing. Yes, there is still the sense of failure that I have not had the opportunity to watch them grow, to be there and hug them when they needed a hug. The reality is that my life has changed for the better.
Married, a step-father, and my wife and I are expecting a child of our own within the next week or so. And, as I ponder on this wonderful blessing, my wife’s due date happens to fall on November 26, the day of Thanksgiving. I have to ask myself, why this day? Why are we even being blessed with a child when we both had discussed at length our feelings on why we are not wanting to have a child. For me, it did not seem proper to have a child when I know I may not ever be able to be a father for my own three children. How unfair it is to have another one. Those were my concerns, my reasons why I did not want to have a child. My wife had her own reasons and concerns. Yet, while on the IUD, she is pregnant, and now expecting and the child is a very healthy active little girl.
We do not understand certain mysteries. As much as we try to reason and comprehend the purpose as to why we are being blessed, my thanksgiving this year is going to be one of the most meaningful ones ever to have experienced. The excitement of holding new life in my arms, knowing that this time around, I will have the opportunity to watch a child grow, to actually be a father to a little girl, and to be a part of another person’s life in a way that had been denied by those who felt the need to keep my other children from me.
So, what are you thankful for? What significant events in your life have you sitting back and reflecting as to what all has transpired this year?
The time is yours to share your own stories of thanksgivings and why you are thankful for those things in your life.
